Depressive Episodes: They Always Start With Food

(tw: eating disorders, suicide) Do you know how I know I’m entering a depressive episode? I go vegan. Or low-carb. Or start weighing my food. Basically restrict my food in any way beyond my normal ‘safe’ foods. The only problem is, I don’t realise what’s happening whilst it’s happening. Baffling isn’t it? Whilst I’m weighingContinue reading “Depressive Episodes: They Always Start With Food”

Feel Your Feels and Fuck It All Off

I’m not good at feeling my feelings. I haven’t done it for a really long time. As they say the best thing about sobriety is getting your feelings back and the worst thing about sobriety is getting your feelings back. I’m angry a lot at the moment. I’m disappointed. I’m tired. I’m depressed. I’m anxious.Continue reading “Feel Your Feels and Fuck It All Off”

Why Am I So Desperate to Settle for Mediocre Dick?

It’s been a while since I’ve written anything on here. If I’m honest I’d lost my way a little with this blog. I’d started on one track, fell onto a different one, stepped over that one to another track and then ground to a halt somewhere I didn’t feel comfortable. I lost my way. WhichContinue reading “Why Am I So Desperate to Settle for Mediocre Dick?”

The Search for Justice

Channel 4’s ’24 hrs in Police Custody’ is a fly on the wall documentary of Bedfordshire Police station. It documents 24hrs after a suspect is arrested up to the point of either charge or release. The episode ‘The Search for Justice’ has broken my heart. A young man called Justice shoots a man at pointContinue reading “The Search for Justice”

I Want To Murder People.

(cw: expletives, repeated mention of murder (non-graphic)) Honestly. I’ve been so fucking angry today. It’s 7 days before my period and my PMS is horrendous. That one week a cycle – like fucken clockwork – makes me vibrate like a Chihuahua filled with hatred. I’ll be sat on my sofa and then I’ll just standContinue reading “I Want To Murder People.”

How To Look After Your Mental Health When The World Feels Like One Big Dumpster Fire

(cw: c-word expletives, VAWG)  The UK is a massive dumpster fire at the moment. There’s widespread nationalism, creeping authoritarianism, major polarity, and looming fascism. It’s exhausting. Soul-crushing, deep-in-your-bones, depressive exhaustion. I’m finding it incredibly tough right now. I can’t switch off from the increasing inequality of gender, race and class in this country. Sometimes IContinue reading “How To Look After Your Mental Health When The World Feels Like One Big Dumpster Fire”

Meghan Markle, Mental Illness & Emotion Shaming

(tw: suicide, self harm, c-word expletives & mention of Piers Morgan) Meghan Markle’s admission of suicidal thoughts and the subsequent backlash is direct evidence of why so many people are fearful of speaking out about their mental illness. I’m belligerent today; a pregnant woman of colour has spoken out about her mental illness and peopleContinue reading “Meghan Markle, Mental Illness & Emotion Shaming”

Stop Telling Me ‘You’re Not Alone’

I know. I know. I say it. Every time I write it it gives me a funny little pang. Yet I say it because so many people do, it’s banded around like the band-aid for all. Knowing someone else feels the same doesn’t make me feel any better, what so ever. Talking to someone whoContinue reading “Stop Telling Me ‘You’re Not Alone’”

Why the New Netflix Documentary: ‘Crime Scene: The Vanishing at the Cecil Hotel’ Gets Everything Wrong

*** SPOILERS for Netflix’s Cecil Hotel Documentary ahead *** Crime Scene: The Vanishing at the Cecil Hotel is a Netflix documentary about the disappearance and death of Elisa Lam in 2013. Elisa Lam was a 21 year old Canadian, who during her brief stint in LA stayed in a hotel ‘Stay on Main’ – aContinue reading “Why the New Netflix Documentary: ‘Crime Scene: The Vanishing at the Cecil Hotel’ Gets Everything Wrong”

“What am I doing with my life?”

(cw: a lot of f*cking swearing) Well, what the fuck are you doing with your life? I’m writing this at midnight because I can’t sleep and I have to be up at 7am to pick up a van to start my move. What am I doing with my life? Right now, I should be asleepContinue reading ““What am I doing with my life?””