Depressive Episodes: They Always Start With Food

(tw: eating disorders, suicide) Do you know how I know I’m entering a depressive episode? I go vegan. Or low-carb. Or start weighing my food. Basically restrict my food in any way beyond my normal ‘safe’ foods. The only problem is, I don’t realise what’s happening whilst it’s happening. Baffling isn’t it? Whilst I’m weighingContinue reading “Depressive Episodes: They Always Start With Food”

Feel Your Feels and Fuck It All Off

I’m not good at feeling my feelings. I haven’t done it for a really long time. As they say the best thing about sobriety is getting your feelings back and the worst thing about sobriety is getting your feelings back. I’m angry a lot at the moment. I’m disappointed. I’m tired. I’m depressed. I’m anxious.Continue reading “Feel Your Feels and Fuck It All Off”

Meghan Markle, Mental Illness & Emotion Shaming

(tw: suicide, self harm, c-word expletives & mention of Piers Morgan) Meghan Markle’s admission of suicidal thoughts and the subsequent backlash is direct evidence of why so many people are fearful of speaking out about their mental illness. I’m belligerent today; a pregnant woman of colour has spoken out about her mental illness and peopleContinue reading “Meghan Markle, Mental Illness & Emotion Shaming”

Stop Telling Me ‘You’re Not Alone’

I know. I know. I say it. Every time I write it it gives me a funny little pang. Yet I say it because so many people do, it’s banded around like the band-aid for all. Knowing someone else feels the same doesn’t make me feel any better, what so ever. Talking to someone whoContinue reading “Stop Telling Me ‘You’re Not Alone’”

Cry Me a Fucking River

7 days sober. I’m fine. I’m totally fine and I don’t mean fine as in Ross Geller two batches of Margaritas down ‘fine’. I’m. Just. Fine. If I think about my lack of swinging emotions so much then anxiety does start to bubble up. Fine, for me, is neutral. It’s just ‘it was it is’Continue reading “Cry Me a Fucking River”

Self-Isolation & Why I’m Holding Wine in my Instagram

Happy Sunday Campers! How are we all? Hope you’re staying positive and testing negative. The NHS slid into my DMs last night with an order to self-isolate. For my non-UK readers, it means my phone (and me) have been within a certain distance of someone who has tested positive for coronavirus and so I nowContinue reading “Self-Isolation & Why I’m Holding Wine in my Instagram”