30 Things I’ve Written in My Notes App When Drunk

I’ve got years worth of notes on my phone: writing ideas, workouts, shopping lists etc. I go through them occasionally to see if I’ve got some good writing ideas to use. To be honest, it’s predominantly a load of bollocks. Mainly because these ‘ideas’ come when I’m three parts cut.

So why not share the horrors that make up ’30 of the most ridiculous and stupid notes I’ve written in my notes app.’ Spelling mistakes and all. I’m not even going to pretend any of them make sense.

  1. Someone’s prince could be your frog and vice verda.
  2. A hoe new world. The hoe must go on. Wherever you will hoe.
  3. Political powerful woman can’t have sex because sex is to serve men and housewives serve men. Political women don’t serve men, powerful on their own.
  4. Wired – shoreditch
  5. The world is shit… but at least I know it is
  6. Are champagne socialists allowed champagne?
  7. scratch your head. It feels so good. Now scratch your foot. It’s not the same scratch. Same hand, same body but it’s just not as satisfying.
  8. If I COULD bottle how he made me feel I’d be richer than Richard Branson. It wouldn’t be called virgin though.
  9. Suprise mother fuck. We got choice
  10. My mum said there was nothing wrong with being early unless my partner thought so
  11. It’s the memories that’s attached to the music rather than the music itself which feels like that
  12. Somethings we say to other people just because we need to hear it ourselves
  13. Love is the most elaborate form of self harm
  14. Myabe if I loved my depression that would leave me too
  15. Nothing more British than when you say you want someone to leave then immediately offer them a couple of tea
  16. Lukewarm-party-pooper not full blown kill-the-vibe-and-you kinda gal
  17. Two gin and tonics and stopping is for people who can handle reality. They are like the people who turn up to karaoke and can sing. THIS ISNT FOR YOU.
  18. Who needs drugs and alcohol a brush with death is all you need. What about a bursh with death, drugs and alcohol?
  19. ‘Pointless Celebrities’ – aren’t they all.
  20. well spank my ass and call me 2020 because i am very unpredictable
  21. I just find it so inconceivable to’be in the moment’ when every moment is just so fleeting. Click. gone. Click. Another one gone.
  22. Imagine we could go on holiday away from ourselves
  23. There’s a reason conservative starts with ‘con’
  24. thank you for ghosting me
  25. Even stray bullets find a home
  26. until you realise she’s a girl who takes a boomerang of her tube arriving
  27. the only place prince charming is coming is on your tits
  28. am I your drug? because you sure are using me
  29. sorry about your dead mum but it does smell like bbq sauce in here
  30. everyone is either a runner or a daytime drinker. sometimes both. never neither.

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